Toxic positivity: what you should say and what not

Of course, the power of positivity is undeniable, but there’s a dark side to always looking for the bright side of life. Have you ever heard of toxic positivity? I’ll explain what it is and what you should/shouldn’t say!

What is it?

First and foremost: there’s nothing wrong with a positive mindset and a healthy dose of optimism. Seeing the bright side of a shitty situation is a powerful thing. Positivity and gratitude are essentials for happiness. They help us to enjoy beautiful things and to deal with setbacks. Moreover, a positive attitude is good for our overall health. But, sometimes we’re so busy focusing on the good that we have no room left for acknowledging the bad. Example: Need to get something good out of a freaking global pandemic, instead of just allowing it to be fucked up. This is called toxic positivity.

What you shouldn’t say:

It’s nice to be able to support someone who’s feeling down. Still, there are certain things you shouldn’t say:

• You’ll get over it.
• Look at the things you do have, there’s always something to be thankful for.
• Being negative doesn’t help you.
• Everything happens for a reason.
• It can always be worse.
• Try to focus on fun things.
• Don’t try to think about it.

What you should say:

Is it obvious that someone has a hard time dealing with something? These sentences can help:

• Your situation is tough now, but I’ve seen you struggle through tough times before, remember you can. You’re strong.
• It’s okay to feel like this, I’m here for you.
• I can imagine that’s how you feel, just get it all out.
• I know this isn’t what you were hoping for. Trust that this pain won’t always be so severe.
• I’m sorry you have to deal with this, how can I help you?
• Do you want to talk about it or do you want to do something fun together to distract you?
• Tell me how you feel, don’t hold back.

Love, Deem/Skye Lewis ❤

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